It sucks to not be vain

Some moments just seem so surreal, it’s like they didn’t happen. Last night was such a moment. I really don’t know what to do about her. What to do with her.

So much shit to say. No desire to put it down here though…I can’t even trust this anymore.

I just don’t fucking know what to do. Why does stuff become so weird all of a sudden. I thought it was friendly flirting, and i guess i knew she liked me, but I don’t know. I just…ugh. and then there’s her and now i’m just like sa;dlfjvc, i should’ve just shut up, and go back in my hole. I really need to stop whatever I’m doing. I think Amy’s conflict is correct. The differentiation between wanting that person and just wanting someone. I don’t know. This is all such fucking new territory. ASDFGHJKL I don’t know what to do. Now I’m go from being smooth to being a bumbling idiot, aren’t I. You know what would be cool, if THE TUXEDO actually existed. Maybe I should make one. Oh, that would be so freaking cool to have like this armor thing that makes you super awesome, but it just looks like a tux. You’ll look sharp and be sharper. I loved that movie. It was so cool. I can’t believe I just went off on a tangent about the tux. This is becoming a weird blog now I feel. It’s like I’m trying to do free association with myself, haha. Weird shit. Anyways, yeah. whatever. cool. sorry you have to read my potty mouth. But this is the internet. If you don’t like it, close your browser, cover your eyes. I can post whatever the fuck I want here. Muahaha. I might be going crazy because of being sleep deprived. I wonder if I’ll ever look back at this as something of importance. I hope the internet remains a place to freely exchange ideas forever. All the crap on the internet is the whole point of having it. If the damn government tries to mess with my interwebs, I will support anarchy, and if I support anarchy, I could come up with some very valid arguments and convert other people over. They don’t understand how good I am at debates. I’ve won every single debate I’ve ever had in class even when I was debating the side I didn’t believe in. Imagine how much damage I could do if I truly wanted anarchy. People trust me because I’m a good friend, and I’m smart. People like me can light the world on fire, and imagine how fast it would burn if every single person like me on the internet got upset about the government messing with us. Take this as a warning letter government: I better not see any CISPA crap or SOPA or PIPA or any other fucking PA. Do not go telling me which websites I can go to, and which ones I can’t. Don’t censor my internet or I will leave you fucking decapitated. I’m angry about a lot of things. But honestly government, if you fuck with my internet, you’re going down. And if you think saying this is illegal, well fuck you. I have the right to free speech. The internet is the one place where even poor people can speak their mind. All you need to do is learn how to use the interwebs. Ugh, life sucks, and losing the internet would make me want to hurt the people who took it away from me. I’m done, peace!

I’m honestly so nerdy. 3 in morning of prom night, and me and four friends sneak into a friend’s house to watch LOTR the rest of the night. Never slept. It’s cool, just who I am, haha.

it’s weird but a bunch of people are just breaking down in front of me. never really happens to me, but i guess my plan to come off as more sympathetic has finally come to fruition. Come to think of it, i’ve been using the word fruition a lot lately.

Apparently one type of bipolar disorder is characterized by extreme talkativeness, increased self-esteem, excessive pleasure seeking, and lack of sleep. I feel like I might know someone who this applies to. weird, and I hope this doesn’t apply to her.

I wonder how someone would feel about me if he/she knew me like I know myself. That’s scary for me. To let someone in that much. I really don’t trust anyone. I’m sorry, but I can’t. Although, I’m sure that if everyone I’ve ever talked to got together and discussed me, they would gain a pretty complete picture of me. I think I am the way I am because of the people I meet, so if the people that I have met in my life meet each other, they’ll be able to know me. That’s pretty much the only way someone will get to know and understand me completely. but that’s never going to happen, nor do I want it to happen. I rather keep my secrets. I rather keep all the secrets of the world. But I guess that works to my advantage. I may not trust others, but I’m pretty trustworthy. I don’t babble (something I’m proud of). I can sit still for so long I’ve actually had a girl come up to me to make sure I wasn’t a statue. I have so much self control that I even fool myself sometimes. Discipline has either been beaten into me, or I was born with it. Either way, I’m proud of it. I have gone whole days in the summertime without having to talk with anyone. It didn’t even require any effort. I never felt the need to say anything and so I didn’t. Then it felt weird when my mom came home and asked me a question. It was almost like I forgot how to speak momentarily. Even now, I rather type stuff on here, and not talk to someone about it. But I like talking too. I can talk forever once you get me going. There are very few conversations that I deem that worthy though. Most of the time I have nothing to contribute to a conversation so people think I’m quite. Then there are my friends who’ve seen me never shut up if I’m in the talking mood. I feel so weird sometimes. I wonder if I have mood swings. Maybe it’s a teenager thing. I feel like whenever I’m feeling weird, I can just say it’s a teenager thing because it probably is. Right now I don’t know how I feel. I’m not really sad (for the first time in a while). I’m not really happy. I just am. I’m supposed to be reading for the AP Psych exam tomorrow, but I just came on here and typing everything that was coming to my mind as it is coming. I can rarely ever do that. This feels nice. I don’t think I’ve put down anything meaningful, but it’s nice to have this. This is kind of like free association (to bring some psych into this). I’m literally just rambling. I feel bad for whose ever dashboard this shows up on. sorry! But yeah, this was a nice rant. Maybe I’ll do this again sometime, but I’ve got to do psych. (P.S. I think I’m talking to myself. probably just a teenager thing)

We can be a whole group of friends
A whole group of frogs
Jumping into the streets
Jumping into the planet
Climbing up the buildings
Swimming in the lakes and in the bathtubs
We would be hundreds, thousands, millions
The biggest group of friends the world has ever seen
Jumping and laughing forever
It would be great, right?